Clean and sober since 9-5-15
The list of substances I didn't try would be much quicker to write down than the ones I did. The one that really sunk its claws in was 30mg oxycodones. I was physically and mentally addicted to them for over 10 years. I held a job to fund my addiction and fed my addiction to physically be able to work everyday. It was an unbreakable cycle, or so I thought.
I believed that as long as I was snorting my drugs with $100 bill my life was good and I didn't have a problem. $100 bills became 50s, then 20's,10's,5's,1's, and eventually any piece of garbage I could craft into a funnel would suffice. I was a closet addict which means no one close to me knew of my demons besides my dealer, and also means I never was offered help.
I had tried to quit on my own at least 50 times unsuccessfully, always using another drug to substitute and mask the uncomfortable feeling of being sober. My rock bottom was waking up to the sound of a broken record player everyday, contemplating if it would be easier to just end my life. In the end I had to admit to myself and everyone around me that not only was I an addict in every sense of the word. But that I had also lied to them and they did not know the real me.
Admitting my problem out loud was absolutely my first step in getting better. I began attending 12 step meetings, visited an addiction counselor weekly for over a year and surrounded myself with recovery and others in it. When I was around 6 months clean I attended a 12 step convention and bought a hat from a vendor booth. The positive reactions from others when wearing that recovery hat was incredible and boosted my confidence like nothing ever had. I was able to talk about my struggle with addiction to complete strangers. It was at this moment that I realized I wanted to help others experience the same feeling.
I had a shitty laptop and a dream so I began brainstorming ideas for recovery t shirts. Sobermode.com is the result of my recovery and my will to live. Life today sometimes isn't the easiest but it's a lot better than the mental hell I lived in for a huge portion of my life. I am no longer ashamed of my past and the obsession to drink or get high has been lifted. If you are struggling please reach out and ask for help, there will be someone there for you. Do not be scared, life does go on and you will not regret the most important decision of your life.